bad learner.

– Saheen Rahman.

the other day i got a tattoo
and it reminded me of you.
i didn’t love you,
the calculations of holding hands,
the angles for the perfect kiss
the equations of likes and dislikes,
all of these,
goes above my head.
i was never good at math anyway.
i didn’t like you,
the oceans of your freckles
the country of your fake accent
the earthquakes of your temper,
i never understood any of them.
geography wasn’t my forte either.
so you see,
i don’t wish for you to be back.
i don’t hate you for leaving me
for the other girl.
ours was a summer romance,
and there i had a fling or two,
and a relationship which lasted three springs long.
life comes full circle,
with its own adjectives:
enigmatic and somewhat bemusing.
it all started with my search
for an escape.
it all started with you.
i found you,
then him. and then that other guy.
so when i seem desperate to you
or when i call you
once, twice, thrice
or knock at your door
a little too hard,
don’t run away
or don’t come too close,
neither. neither.
you’re not the only one i miss
you’re not the only guy i kissed.
my sleepless nights,
my losing appetite,
all of these
and all of that,
is part of my pursuit for
happiness. contentment.
you’re a part of it.
all of them are.
but goddamn,
i don’t have explanations
to this insatiable hunger
to this unquenchable thirst,
and answers to
why my mind keeps going back to you
why my body craves for yours
or why ever word i utter sounds like your name.
i was never good at learning
or knowing things.

life comes full cirlce,
and didn’t my life start with you?

change.

o brother!
i know the news of our nation,
makes you anxious. watching-
the land you graced as your own,
maligned by majoritarian testaments;
or your own kin, slain-
for their choice of-
taqiyah, turban or vestaments,
unnerves you. as you offer,
your prayers today, i hope-
you pray for them, and-
silently remember,
to raise your brethren better!


o sister!
as you walk down the aisle,
adorning a grand dress-
a salwar, gown or lehenga,
i hope you remember,
of so many others, like you-
who met a very different fate. dragged-
though the same aisle,
that you today tread on,
and put through a forced ringed ordeal,
i shall not be afraid to call-
‘RAPE.’
simply because her social groom was-
cast out of the same caste dye,
as her own consanguine race.
as you take your vows today,
i hope you avow to sire the next generation better,
no, you don’t have to say it aloud.
merely abide by it,
for your conscience’s sake.

and all the privileged members,
of the majority masses!
i hope you remember, that-
rama is the hero of his epic,
because he stood for his ideals,
not because he demolished,
some demon king. so-
every time you chant his name,
I hope you take it to make peace,
not prejudice. for-
nothing shall elate a king better,
than to see his subjects break bread,
as brothers.

you see, the change starts with you,
and it shall never start,
until you do. for-
if little drops of water,
can make the mighty ocean;
we are a collective of 1.38 billion,
empowered individuals.
it’ll surprise you-
what a little effort from each one,
could do.

Ish.