bad learner.

– Saheen Rahman.

the other day i got a tattoo
and it reminded me of you.
i didn’t love you,
the calculations of holding hands,
the angles for the perfect kiss
the equations of likes and dislikes,
all of these,
goes above my head.
i was never good at math anyway.
i didn’t like you,
the oceans of your freckles
the country of your fake accent
the earthquakes of your temper,
i never understood any of them.
geography wasn’t my forte either.
so you see,
i don’t wish for you to be back.
i don’t hate you for leaving me
for the other girl.
ours was a summer romance,
and there i had a fling or two,
and a relationship which lasted three springs long.
life comes full circle,
with its own adjectives:
enigmatic and somewhat bemusing.
it all started with my search
for an escape.
it all started with you.
i found you,
then him. and then that other guy.
so when i seem desperate to you
or when i call you
once, twice, thrice
or knock at your door
a little too hard,
don’t run away
or don’t come too close,
neither. neither.
you’re not the only one i miss
you’re not the only guy i kissed.
my sleepless nights,
my losing appetite,
all of these
and all of that,
is part of my pursuit for
happiness. contentment.
you’re a part of it.
all of them are.
but goddamn,
i don’t have explanations
to this insatiable hunger
to this unquenchable thirst,
and answers to
why my mind keeps going back to you
why my body craves for yours
or why ever word i utter sounds like your name.
i was never good at learning
or knowing things.

life comes full cirlce,
and didn’t my life start with you?

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